Jerks Working in Madison

Written by: Redemption

So, like most lawful citizens, I have both a sweet new passport and a smooth ride.

'99 Toyota Camry. Beige. Power steering, power windows, power everything. It's as muscle a car as they come. 4 cylinders, cassette player, lots of room in the trunk. Lockable brakes, 2WD. This baby handles like a nice 12 year scotch on the tongue when it comes to the freezing, icy, snow-packed Wisconsin roads.

But I was saying, I am a most lawful citizen. Nary a moving violation in over 22 years. They used to give me gold stars for how non-confrontational I am.

And then Madison. One fun weekend. Two police encounters. Two citations. Over $3million in fines. 5-0 dropping fines on my ass like its their job. Can you believe those guys?!

Pshaw.

But the rest of Madison, especially that barrel-chested man with the spikes in his chin yelling at his kid at the Monster Truck Rally. You, sir. You've made my stay in Madison ever so delightful. And look, I got this jacket because I love it so much.


**The story ends well. I argued my way out of one citation, and only had to pay the measly sum of $298. Why so little? Because I spit hot fire**

Perks of Working in Madison

I know most of you think that Madison is a frozen tundra, in the middle of nowhere, with yetis everywhere. And you'd be mostly right, except yetis are really white people. Lots and lots of white people. Why would anyone want to work in such a shit hole? I'm here to tell you it really isn't that bad.

1) People are not assholes here.

Look at these people. If I didn't just pull the first picture off a Google search for "nice family photos", I would have believed they lived in Madison.

Midwesterners are nice to a fault. People I don't know just smile at me for no reason as I approach them and say hello. I would trust my passport, car, and little sister with a complete stranger off the streets of Madison.

Coincidentally, I do not have a passport, car, or little sister at time of writing.